Blank Slate

14 March 2016 (Monday)

As I spent the best part of Saturday cleaning and scrubbing the walls in my room, I realised how therapeutic it really was.  I cleared out the furniture, got the ladder, got the cleaning materials and had Eminem blasting in the room.  It is usually activities or an experience that makes me think about and reflect on much deeper things in life.

I bought some room décor a while ago and didn’t want to put it up until I cleaned the walls! So I finally decided to do it this past weekend.  It’s amazing how something so small and beautiful, can make you take on a big task such as this one.  As I began scrubbing the dirt off the wall, I realised that this is pretty much like life… We’ve been given these ‘blank slates’ to doodle on it or decorate it how we want. 

When I was a teenager, I really wanted my room blue.  My parents did not really agree with this, plus, why blue? I’m a girl? I loved blue, pink was too cliché, I told them.  So eventually, they bought me the blue paint and I did it myself.  I sanded areas that needed it, but I was too lazy to put primer on, so I just started painting it blue! All the walls and the ceiling too! It was so much fun.  My dad did help me here and there, probably to make sure I didn’t mess it up too much.  This is why I love my parents so much, that even when it is something they do not really want, they will help because it is what we want!  Great support is needed!  The end product was not too bad.  I was proud of myself and bragged about it to all!  As it dried, over the next few days I started noticing that I didn’t really do so well in certain areas.  You could see streaks in some parts and you others were a bit blotchy.  No problem! I’ll just cover it with pictures and posters!  So I did, I put up things that I liked and once again, made my room how I wanted it.

So while I was not living at home, and my dear parents took this opportunity to restore this room they had to bear with for so long!  So they painted it a light cream colour.  First time I saw it, I was a little bit upset because they had covered up my identity! (That’s how I saw it).  But after a while I started to realise that it looked a lot nicer, it made me feel calmer and it really lit up the room!  So I then did what any normal person would do…I put up pictures and posters that identified me…again!  I made the room my own. 

Now, years later, I felt a need to refresh!  Washing down the walls helped me to cleanse my thoughts too.  I started thinking about how much dirt we allow to gather in our minds and lives; how much dirt we allow others to put there.  We must find the will to get rid of this dirt.  We are reluctant to deal with the dirt in our lives because we are afraid it will hurt more.  Relate this to having a thorn stuck in your foot… It hurt when you stood on the thorn and will continue to hurt with every step, until you remove it.  Yes, removing it will hurt too, but what is better?  To feel hurt once or to continue feeling it for days, months or even years!  Let’s work through this together.  I would like for everyone to experience the cleansing process and then, once again, be given a blank slate to decorate all from over. 

Give me the reasons you are unable to address the hurt in your life…

Tell me what is holding you back… 

So will you keep the thorn in your foot, or will you remove it?  The choice is yours…

The finished product:

Open letter to society

Dear Society,

*Quote: “Because in my experience, it is better to take any job when you’re unemployed than to wait for that ‘perfect’ job.”

I am currently unemployed.  I have a part job that brings in some money.  I have a few bills I need to pay.  I live with my parents and do not own my own car.  I am not married, neither do I have any children.  I have a BA degree in Tourism and a BA Honours in Psychology.  I have a part-time job as a Zumba Instructor and I do Hip Hop dancing, because I love it.  I am a mentor for a volunteer organisation and am currently on the committee who is running a Youth Alpha Course at my Church.  So what does this make me, society?  

I’ve been applying for jobs online, registered with many online job sites.  I have been offered two jobs…of which both I turned down. Why?  They were not what I wanted to do or I felt overqualified for it.  (*The quote above was said to me by both companies I turned down). 

Meeting up with friends, family and acquaintances and being asked the awkward question:
“So, what are you doing with your life now?” …would surely require answers such as…

”I am planning my wedding”

“I’m working for a corporate company as a *insert high profile position*.”

“I just bought my own house and a new car.” 

Then OF COURSE I would get the desired response: 

“Wow that is amazing!  You’ve really made a success of your life.” 

But, here is MY answer:

“I am currently looking for a job.” 

Their response?  “Oh shame.”

Now I stand there with a confused look on my face, like I told them that someone died and needed the sympathy?!  Follow up questions include: “So what did you study and what are you looking for?”  And then they offer advice (of which I did not ask for) on how to apply or where to look. 

Seeing as advice is so freely given in society, allow me to return the favour:

Not having a job is not a bad thing.  I do not see that merely having a job makes you ultimately successful in life.  I think and operate differently from most societal norms…I always have.  So please do not pity those who do not have a job.  In fact, I think you should praise and encourage them as they now have more time and freedom to spend on working on what they really want.  I have many friends and family who are so unhappy in their jobs, but they say:

“At least I have a job…I’d rather have a job I’m unhappy in than not have one and be at home sitting on the couch.” 

Please note that I still have a very confused look on my face…  I have never ever understood why people would do something they are unhappy doing and attribute their reasoning to some or other ‘logical’ or ‘realistic’ reason.  (Look out for my next post on the concept of ‘reality’).  And honestly, if you did not have a job, would you really only be sitting on the couch ALL day??!! 

Maybe next time you meet up with someone…instead of asking what are you doing with their life, ask “Are you happy?” Then you will get a real answer.  Why do we attribute what we do for a living with happiness?  Yes, if you are doing what you love as a job, you are happy.  But do not assume that because we are not where we want to be right then that we are not happy with where we are!  Many people are happy in the process too.  Asking are you happy shows more concern for the person’s well-being.  Now I know you are really interested and care.

As for me, I am happy.  Society, don’t freak out!  Yes, I’m unemployed, and I’m happy!  Stop trying to make me feel bad for not following your set principles!  I lived out my dream job by the age of 21.  I travelled around the world for three years after obtaining a degree.  I came back, did volunteer work for one full year.  I proceeded to study a different degree.  I made one of my passions a part time job.  I am almost thirty and I am happy with where I am and especially with who I am.  At my age, I know myself way better than I would have ever expected to.  I am in-tune with my inner self and how I connect to my higher being.  This type of happiness was not obtained by having a job, having a husband, having children, having my own car, having my own house or even having a retirement fund!

Also, please don’t assume that people who are unemployed are sitting at home on the couch all day.  How does that even make sense?!  No, we are hustling!  We are creating our dream job…that often does not exist in society.  We are sharpening our skills for the type of work we want to do… researching, developing ourselves, focussing on what we want, not what we don’t want.  We have the advantage of taking our time to find out what it is that we truly desire and to pursue that with unlimited energy!  We get to plan our lives better to make sure we are constantly improving. 

No society, you are not all wrong…although we might not be doing nothing all day, we do have the option of sitting on the couch every now and then.

I’m sorry that I am happy society.

Yours in unemployment.

Simone Momplé

4000 Steps

Taking a walk when you’re in a difficult space is not the easiest thing to get up and do, but once you do, you see the situation and life differently.

I took a walk one day when I was in the toughest part of a breakup. I had been crying all morning, was only able to make breakfast. I spoke to my mom who commanded me to get out and enjoy the beautiful day we were having. (We were not in the same city and while I had clear skies, she had gloomy clouds and rain).

Initially when I started walking, I was thinking about the situation that I’m in, the possible routes that I could take. Mostly why this is happening?! Trying to figure it all out. I put my pedometer on, wanted to see how many steps it would take for me to go on this walk. I also set a time limit, I said in 20 minutes I’ll turn around, a 40 minute walk would be sufficient. Without even realising it, I set goals for myself. I chose a path to walk on, there wasn’t really a pavement, so I had to walk on the grass. There was a path walked in already, I’m sure by many people before. I chose not to walk on it, but to walk right next to it. I thought to myself, why don’t we create our own path? Why do we go with what other people have set before? I guess because it’s easier, you can already see how clear that path is, so why not? It took only a few people to create that path, if you think about it. Further down, I had to choose which road I was going to go down, I chose the one on the left. I was walking on the right side of the road, choosing which side of each little tree I’d walk around. I saw some litter on the ground, I didn’t pick it up. Now did I choose not to or did I ignore the fact that I had a choice? People always say you have a choice, but do you? Sometimes we are not aware that there is another option… or we just chose not to think there is.

On this straight road, I found a patch of discarded land, in between these beautiful complexes of modern houses. It had high grass, litter and you never know what else. So I crossed the road, choosing not to go there. We come across patches on a path that seem really dodgy and scary, and we can make the choice to not go there, which I did. I walked on the other side of the road. Avoided it. And in doing so, I found a street to my left that looked interesting, beautiful and very challenging. I decided to take it, it was steep, and I thought it’d be good to use different muscles for a change. Walking up it I saw beautiful houses, nature was lovely too, big trees and cute dogs. I walked to the top and sometimes it was so challenging, I could only look down, at my own steps. Sometimes we have to look down at what we are actually doing and focus on US, to get us up there. We also have to look up and notice our surroundings, look out for danger or beauty. We look around to see who or what can help us get to where we’re going or how we can help others.

When I turned to walk up this road, there was suddenly no wind. On the straight, level road, there was a wind blowing, even though the weather looked clear! Up this road, no wind, but the challenge was different. In life this is the same, when things are going great, we are happy, there is still something going on, be it a wind. But this doesn’t bother us, because we are on a level road, things are going well. Looking up at a different road, we suddenly realise there was a wind because it has now stopped. We see the steep road ahead and suddenly our ‘bothers’ are different. At the top of this road, I get to stop and turn around and look at what I just accomplished. And I got more than what I bargained for, I get the most amazing view, I never thought I would experience! Yet, getting to the top has made me realise there is no other way down, but the same way I came. So I go down, but choose the other side of the road. We think that going downhill is easier, because we can ‘freefall’, but I don’t think so. It’s only different. We have to use different muscles firstly, but we also have to control the fall. We have to stop ourselves from having no control and watch every step we take. It’s not that hard though, because we have already walked this path, just going a different way now. I got to the bottom and looked back up, I saw a dog in the road, cute one. I think to myself, that I missed out on playing with that dog. But sometimes the things we think we missed out on could’ve been a danger to us, otherwise, it cannot have been meant for us, but for someone else to enjoy.

Back on the level road, I feel the wind again, this time more aware of it, but enjoying it more too. Things that bothered us before, can at different times become a joy! 20 minutes later it’s time to turn around. In doing this, I decide to walk on the other side of the road, because I already experienced the other side. Sometimes in life we have to walk the same path again, in a different direction than we did before. It is said that we must not go back in life, we must always move forward. But there are times we go back. Sometimes it’s to find old friends, sometimes it’s to experience something great again, or because we didn’t actually gain what we wanted to the first time. (Like redoing a test to get better results to move on in our studies). So we walk back, we have different insight now because we know this path, we took in all we could the first time, and have more knowledge this time.

I came across the rough patch again and I saw a man walking his dog through this patch. I thought that if he is going through it, it can’t be that bad, so let me try. I started walking through it and heard things moving in the grass – freaky! After 5 steps I said to myself no! I couldn’t do it, it wasn’t nice, but I didn’t enjoy the challenge. So I walked in the road, and although cars were up and down all the time, in this moment, there were no cars on my side and I could walk in the road. Sometimes a challenge isn’t meant for you, you see other people going through it and you think that you can too, that it will be fun. Sometimes their challenge, isn’t your challenge… but a way will be made for you to walk in the road!! While walking in the road I saw a dead white rat just on the edge of that grass, do you see how I avoided that?! A new path will be made when we take a path we think is right, but isn’t!

Getting back to where I started, I realise that it took me a shorter time to come back than to go, because I didn’t need to make the stops I did the first time, I knew what was waiting for me on the way back and could make better decisions then. We sometimes have to take the same path back to the place we started so that we can move on from there. We now have a better understanding of that path and have the capacity to make different, more informed choices!

4000 steps can be all it takes to move on…