I have been a part of various women empowerment ventures throughout my life. It excited me to find these groups of women willing to spend their time and energy and sometimes finances helping other women in various ways. Initially, the 'women only' part would give me mixed feelings. I wondered why men are given the 'you can't sit with us' card. On the one hand, I believe women should be given a space to vent, be themselves and to discover themselves as a gender; but then again, men too need a space for empowering and upliftment. After having been involved in these ventures, one after the other, I started feeling that the inclusion of men is imperative and the exclusion of them, pointless (at times).
You see, the more we exclude men with the 'you can't sit with us' card, the more imbalanced our society. As the women become more empowered, they then go back into the apparent 'male driven' society they have been trying to fit into. This can sometimes cause all efforts to be futile. I understand the need for building women up to be more confident within society in whatever field they desire to be in and I would agree with that. But let's not assume men don't have such a need too. They are just better at masking their confidence with false confidence, until they make it. So we give women the tools they need to develop more, and the men...we assume are good.
My other perception has left me wondering whether the 'women empowerment' strategies are actually doing more damage to women themselves! As I work and play within different circles, mixed gender and women only groups and varied age groups, I get to witness various personalities and situations playing out. Here is a something that has persistently come up across the board for me. I will illustrate it with an example. I have found that walking into a room where there are females only (whether you know each other well or not at all) it will take longer for the women to greet me...they would first suss me out and then greet, maybe; mostly I greet first.
Walking in to a room with males and females, the men would be the first to walk up and greet, the females would first suss you out again, then maybe greet and introduce themselves, or not at all and you end up spending the day with them without knowing their names. They would then converse with the person you are sitting and talking to without even acknowledging you. Blind to your presence. And it is not because the men are possibly interested in you that they will greet or introduce themselves first, I have seen this happen in all my circles. This has confused me. So it has led me to consistently be the first to greet or introduce myself...this is tiring...so I admit I don't always do it.
This has also made me consider how we are really empowering women here? Do we only empower within women only groups and not in groups of mixed gender? How does this make sense... Ladies we are disempowering other women by putting ourselves above them or even below them. We are all equal...some might be better than others at some things, but that's normal, we all have our niches. Be proud of other women for their efforts to learn; be proud of other women for their courage to stand up and make a change in their lives. You have no idea how much effort it has taken for her to do something...whatever it is...support her, without making her feel less than you in her efforts.
So smile and greet every women, every time...and please don't put yourself down when you meet women you think are better at something than you...praise her, and you will automatically feel empowered.
I would love to hear your thoughts...comment below.
With Love,
Simone...a woman.
